Sorry, LL Cool J on the brain for some reason.

I used to have my novels at several different indie publishers in an attempt not to have all my eggs in one basket. Then the mega corporation THAT WE WILL NOT BE NAMING HERE BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE THE CASH FOR A LAWSUIT put all of them out of business.

I don’t want to submit previously published books (this go around there’s at least one that will be a Third Edition). I also don’t have the energy to maybe get accepted by a new publisher only to see it crash and burn. I know there are ones that have been around for a minute, but that was the case with my old publishers as well.

This time I’m taking the self-publishing route. Given how corporations work, the platform I’m using might very well get gobbled up, but at least I’m trying something new, right?

And self-publishing isn’t so bad with the backlist. I’m always trying to improve as a writer, so it’s cool to take stuff that’s already been edited and do my best to make it better.

With the new stories… Not so cool. I can’t afford an editor, and I get hyper-fixated on my writing. The super rough draft of my next book–Flow–was on my favorite forum (which also no longer exists) for a hot second, but I took it down to make it an ebook. There was a major plot issue that took me literal years to figure out, which caused a cascade of changes that I also had to figure out. I think the overall story is much better than the rough, and honestly I think the draft I have now is some of the best stuff I’ve ever written. It’d be nice to have an editor confirm that, though.

Because. I cannot. Stop. Self editing.

Yeah, best stuff. But IMO the prose could be much better. Plus it’s my longest novel to date at over a 100k words. For context, my next longest is 60k. So… What if my pacing is off? What if there’s something developmentally wrong with the overall story? What if I’ve handled some issues insensitively? Plot holes? Cringe language?

There are many different types of editors, and asking just one to tackle all that is unreasonable. But having one editor usually gives me the courage to stop obsessing and publish the the thing.

I’ve been away for a long time, so I’ve lost touch with most of my writer friends. I remember they would send me emails or IMs (God, I’m old), that simply said, “PUSH THE FREAKING BUTTON.” I miss that. It made that last, stressful step almost fun.

Where does that leave me? Save money. Practice writing techniques that I want to implement but can’t quite grasp 70% of the time. Hire an editor if I can. Buy some ISBNs. Edit. Read books other than mine in genres other than mine. Learn. Edit some more. Maybe find a writing group and force my introverted ass to make some friends. Do another pass on the novel. And, as soon as my anxiety drops the tiniest but…

Push the freaking button.